


A Nice Old-Fashioned Letter

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Burn Notice, Chuck (TV), White Collar
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Het and Slash, Humor, M/M, Multi, Slash, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-24
Updated: 2011-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-26 12:06:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bryce Larkin sends letters to people from Burn Notice, White Collar, and Chuck. Many various canon and non-canon relationships implied, some explicit. For the prompt: "Bryce Larkin - super spy and silly card writer - things Bryce would write to other characters."<br/>A YT treat for Ashcat.</p><p>Note: These go AU from canon in terms of certain events of Chuck S2 happening differently. They also occur over a long time period, extending into futurefic for several characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Nice Old-Fashioned Letter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashcat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashcat/gifts).



Dear Casey,

I wanted to be the first to tell you this very important information.

I regretfully inform you that your record "kill rate" is no longer a record. Now that you know that I am alive, I am sure you will be relieved that you did _not_ kill someone who was merely pretending to go rogue and was actually a good spy. I'm sure you were filled with self-loathing and regret when you thought I was gone forever. The fact that you seemed quite eager to shoot me again -- well, I'm just going to chalk that up to you being your charming self.

But as I said, your kill rate no longer includes me. Because you FAILED to kill me. And now you no longer hold the record.

Suck on that.

Yours truly,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Fiona,

I wanted to wish you a happy October 21! Nobel's birthday isn't really a special occasion for most people, but I respect that you go your own way.

Have a great one,

Bryce

P.S. I told my friend about your celebrating this, and he said that it's sweet that you celebrate someone who cared so much about advancing human knowledge. He's kind of one of those guys who likes to solve things with talking, so I didn't know how to explain that you were celebrating Nobel because he invented dynamite.

P.P.S. Blow something up for me! (Something that won't be missed).

 

  
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Dear Michael,

Fiona has told me that you're a bit too prim and proper to have a casual threesome with me. I assure you, however, that I plan to conduct myself with all appropriate civility and decorum. Therefore, I am writing this letter to formally inquire into your interest in having simultaneous or very closely consecutive sexual relations with Fiona and myself. If you register at a sex shop, I will bring a gift from your list; otherwise I will bring a hostess gift for Fiona that I believe she will like.

I am currently working, but plan to be in Miami later this season. I propose a meeting at which we discuss all relevant regulatory bodies and negotiate concerns from interested parties. Then, Fiona and I will tie you to your bed and have our wicked, wicked ways with you. We will probably compete to see whose tongue is more adept at bringing you to desperate, begging tears. Then we will both attend to Fiona in courteous and gentlemanly ways, by which I mean we'll do what she wants. Probably she will ride you into next Tuesday while you suck my cock, if previous preliminary discussions with Ms. Glenanne bear out. Of course all this is contingent on the conclusions arrived at in the above mentioned meeting.

After said sexual relations, debriefing will consist of breakfast and an exchange of largely meaningless pleasantries. In the long term, if all parties agree, such transactions may re-occur at later times, though no commitments will be necessary for such to transpire.

I sincerely hope that I have demonstrated the utmost propriety in requesting the honor of your company in Miami. I look forward with bated breath to hear your reply.

Toodles,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Michael,

Thank you for the lovely visit in Miami. Your hospitality was most gracious, as was Fiona's.

I am sorry to hear you felt my previous formal request was "sarcastic" and "mocking." I was hoping we would find an opportunity to discuss this further, but during my visit you appeared to be preoccupied yelling, "Yes, yes, right there, amazing," and so we never had a chance to explore this topic fully.

Perhaps on my next visit, we shall have more time to converse. It is my greatest hope that we do.

Very best wishes,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Mozzie,

Good to hear from you!

I can assure you that Neal and I are twins, not clones. If Burke told you otherwise, it was as a joke. Perhaps we could retaliate by giving you higher security clearance than he has? That would probably really annoy him.

He sounds nice, though. I'm glad Neal likes him.

Thanks again for all your help with that business in Amsterdam! And Bruges. The way your brain works is quite sexy :)

Best wishes from your favorite (voluntary) government employee,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Chuck Finley,

Thank you for your good work in South America. It is regrettable that my organization officially condemns your actions, both in general and specifically toward our operatives.

On a personal note, however, I found your treatment of my colleagues to be a bit hilarious.

Chin up. We all have to do our own thing sometimes. We can't let things stop us just because they say that we've "gone rogue" and "nobody knows where our loyalties lie" and "you can't just do whatever you want and expect everyone to just fucking deal with it" and "you don't get to cause an international conflict just because you think you're right." Blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine. Amirite?

Yours,  
B.

 

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Dear Sarah and Chuck,

Happy Anniversary!

And extra congratulations on your upcoming adoption -- I know you'll make terrific parents to some lucky kid.

I know it is early to think about names, but I have some suggestions:

For a boy: Bryce. Really. Think about it.

For a girl: Bryce. It can be a girl's name too!

If you don't want to name your child Bryce (and I don't know why you wouldn't, but whatevs), then might I suggest: paghlogh-not-yIjatlh

Klingon names are such a rarity these days; don't you want to do your part to keep the tradition alive?

Love,  
Bryce

P.S. Casey would make a terrible godfather. You need someone a little more laid-back. Someone who won't someday give them a fully automatic weapon for their fifth birthday. Someone with really great hair, maybe....

 

 

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Dear Fiona,

I understand why you're concerned about Michael's return to his former profession, but aside from the danger and secrecy and travel and conflicting goals, you don't need to worry. No, really, I have two very dear friends who are in the same business,and they are great at their job _and_ they've been together for years. It CAN be done.

I'll be in Miami in December -- any thoughts on getting together again? This makes what -- 8 weekends together for the three of us? I visit you more than HQ, it seems.

Yours,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Fiona,

I assure you that my friends are not, as you suggest, "some weaselly suit-wearing thugs whose idea of great oral sex is reading their energy security analysis out loud." I'm telling you, their sex life is still great, they are lovely and friendly people, and they are not weaselly at all. In fact, they are very, very hot and are exceptionally talented at oral sex. From what I hear.

They also don't wear suits.

I do, though. So, you know, thanks for that.

Seriously, you might really like them. And they can tell you about how they manage the relationship and balance it with work. I'm giving you Sarah's number. Think about it.

Anyway, I'll see you in a few weeks!

Yours,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Fiona,

Yes, I'm very glad you liked Sarah and Chuck. No, Chuck was serious when he said that he doesn't like to shoot people. He didn't understand why you laughed so hard, but when I spoke to him, he said that you reminded him of his friend Casey. I defended you, of course, but Chuck explained that he meant it as a compliment. Whatever.

Anyway, I am not surprised that you and Sarah especially hit it off - it's always nice to hear that two such wonderful people are enjoying each other's company.

Perhaps you're thinking that I'm trying to make nice after not mentioning that I used to be involved with them. Yes, fine, I used to be with them, and I didn't tell you. But it was need to know and you didn't need to know.

Kidding! Just kidding! Please don't shoot me. (Seriously, I was KIDDING so PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME).

It's just that I didn't expect it to come up, and it was so very long ago. And it's not like any of us are all that open with our pasts.

But yes, I should have told you that you were meeting my exes, not simply my friends.

It's just things with Chuck were always... complicated. Really complicated. And only part of the reason I can't talk about it is because it's classified. And I know how much you hate that word, and I don't blame you, but that word is currency to some of us (sorry).

And things with Sarah ended so abruptly, and then when I came back after my extended stay in Hotel Almostdead, they were clearly on the way to being something. And I had history with both of them, so for a short time, we were all together. I'm not going to lie and said that it meant nothing. It definitely meant something. But there were no promises between me and them. And it was for a few weeks only. And I haven't been with Sarah and Chuck since then, and now they really are just my friends.

Honestly, at the time, I didn't even think the two of them would work out -- they were too different.

Okay, really, it was that Sarah was too much like me. And I always assumed that I couldn't be with Chuck. I was never brave enough to be myself with him, and I wanted to keep him out of the spy world. Truthfully, I wasn't even sure if he could deal with it. Not just the danger -- I didn't think he could deal with the things I was willing to do for the job. I didn't think he could really stand to see that side of me. And so I assumed that it would be the same for Sarah, and I figured it would only last until one of them admitted to themselves that they couldn't work. I felt bad for them, but I knew Chuck would find someone normal and Sarah would find a spy or choose not to, and in the mean time they would make some great memories, and it's not like it was my place to tell them who to love. So I just wished them the best and hoped neither of them got hurt too badly when it inevitably went south.

It turned out not to be like that. They changed for each other -- both of them. Really and truly changed. Chuck became a spy, in every possible sense, and Sarah learned to let someone in - really and fully in. Even though she'd never before in her life known anyone that would have made that seem like a good idea. There was no reason for her to believe in happily ever after, not with the things she's seen and done, not enough to bet her heart on it, to change who she was for it.

She did it anyway.

And that was good to see. Really good.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

I'll be in Miami next week. I want to see you and Michael.

Bryce

 

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Dear Michael,

I'm sorry that you are now "inundated" as you put it with Fiona's "unreasonable expectations." And I am sorry you have decided that it's my fault. I can see how the fact that I don't think relationships among spies need to be total clusterfucks would _inconvenience_ you. Obviously, that's some intel you would want to keep under wraps.

And I'm so very sorry my "interference" has made it much harder for you to brush aside people's real concerns simply by giving them that look. You know the look. The one that says _'I'm really sorry but this is just not something I can talk about at this moment, and I know there's never a good moment and that's unfortunate, and I acknowledge that my choices are a big part of why it seems like we're always in a moment where someone's life depends on my total concentration, and so yes there probably won't be any time soon when I can even think about this issue, but you know that if there were no problems in the world anywhere, then I would TOTALLY be cool with having this conversation.'_

FYI, everyone you know? _Hates_ that look.

Bryce

 

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Dear Michael,

Fine, I overreacted. I accept your apology.

I'll see you soon.

Best,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Fiona,

Again, I am sorry for not telling you about Chuck and Sarah. And no, I have not slept with the whole CIA. But I don't think I ever suggested that you and Michael were my first threesome, and I don't know why you assumed that.

Hope we can clear this up soon,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Fiona,

No, I do not consider myself a man-whore. I do not consider casual sexual encounters to be a bad thing, true, but I was not misleading you when I implied that I wanted the three of us to be more than casual.

Again, I am sorry that I did not tell you about my exes. You're right that you have enough secrets to deal with, though I'm not sure why you think that both Michael and I are "total shits sometimes."

You seem much less mad than you were before, however. Perhaps instead of being angry at me, you could just punish me for keeping unnecessary secrets? Maybe something involving ropes. Feel free to get creative.

Love and amends,  
Bryce

 

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Dear Michael and Fiona,

Thanks for a lovely time in Miami. I am glad we had a chance to talk. And I am especially glad we had the chance to make up. So to speak. I am sore and exhausted, and my ego will be irreparably bruised if you do not indicate that you are as well.

I am not sure when I'll be back, but I was thinking about getting a place in South Florida. Sort of like a home base between missions. How would you two feel about that?

As for the issue of you two finding ways to work together now that Michael is back in the fold, maybe Fiona could find a way to make herself indispensible to the organization. Perhaps you'll stumble upon something that will help.

Anyway, I'll be in touch.

All my love,

Bryce

P.S. I sent Michael a box of yogurt cups from a dairy in California -- they have really good flavors. You know, in case you ever want some variety. It should be there soon.

P.P.S. When you open the box that came with the letter, you'll see a pair of sunglasses I got for Fiona. Try them on, Fi. You might be surprised how empowered they make you feel.

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(end)


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